Alright, Still

I'm feeling a bit scattered at the moment so here is a barely coherent list of things I meant to talk about:

I'm getting my dad's bike. It probably needs new tires and brakes, and of course one of these, but that's okay. It's a bike and I'mma RIDE IT.

I'm really giddy about the nice weather, but sometimes I get bummed because I get home at 12 or whatever and everybody I know is still at their high-falutin' grown-up jobs and I feel like I don't have anybody to enjoy it with. So I decided today that I'm just going to go to the park and walk one of the trails by myself. That never really occurred to me before, but I don't know why. It's good for me, it will be nice, and (most importantly?) it's free. But uh, if I go missing one sunny afternoon, check the local parks for my car and question all suspicious-looking axe murderers and bears.

On Sunday my parents brought up two chairs for the mudhole and the gas for the grill. YAY. I've never really grilled anything but hot dogs. Let's change that, yeah? Party at my place! BYOEverything.

I'm going to need to go to Magic Mountain soon for mini-golf and possibly go-karts. Also, this weekend: Blades of Glory. All who are interested, please contact the Chaser.

My mom bought me a mood ring in Arizona. Hee! I was hoping it would turn black so I could pretend to be Vada Sultenfuss (ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about). Alas, it keeps going purple/dark blue, indicating that I am romantic and lovable. Oh pshaw, mood ring...*bats eyelashes*...I don't know what you're talking about.

Hmm. There was more, I'm sure. But my brain is all over dinner right now. Dinner dinner dinner. So I will talk to YOU later. Yes you.

That fucker eats cake!

Part A - Things that I like
-shopping
-watching The Office
-playing the Wii
-eating waffles
-listening to Mitch Hedberg
-not going to work

Part B - Things that I did this weekend
-see Part A

Haha, so I had a good weekend. Actually it was Monday and Tuesday, but it was the weekend to me. Over the actual weekend I also went to a St. P's shindig at Mary's and ate some green cake. Mmm for cake (of any color). My plans for the future include figuring out how to do an awesome scavenger hunt and purchasing and flying a kite.

As a follow-up to my last post....by 'meta' I was referring to the show's tendency lately to make jokes or commentary about itself. Like when Dr. Cox explains why all the different characters are funny or makes reference to the thoughtful voiceover as a sitcom device, or whatever. Just self-referential, wink-wink kind of jokes where it's like the characters are acknowledging that they're in a sitcom. Jokes about the show itself rather than just jokes. It's ok to a degree, and it happens a lot on shows like this, but still. It just rubs me the wrong way. I know a lot of people like it. And I'm sure this isn't the first complaint I've had about Scrubs. Sure, it's hilarious, but I also sometimes want to punch it in the face. You know, kind of how you feel about me.

Can't get no love from me

What's up with JD's scrubs lately? Last week he was wearing like baseball-jersey-style scrubs, where the sleeves and collar were one color blue and the body was another color. And then today he had ones with some sort of fancy stripey neckline. It's so weird. Do they really make scrubs like that, or are the costume designers just getting bored? (I mean, I'm sure there are all kinds of scrubs out there, but it's weird that only JD would suddenly start wearing them for no reason.)

Also, I think that Scrubs has gotten way too meta. I can handle a little bit of that, but Scrubs is so far over the line. I think it's lazy writing.

Thoughtses

I am feeling very crazy right now, and I'm not sure why. Let's try and sort it out.

1.) I have a lot of little things to do. I got a bunch of them done today (bank, bills, library, video store, laundry, etc) but there are many left. I made a list, which helps a little in feeling organized but also makes things worse because it makes it real how many things are on there. My possible case of ADD or whatever the hell else is wrong with my brain makes it extremely hard for me to any kind of "plan of attack" or to actually get these little things done. But I'm making progress. That's something.

2.) I am possibly having car trouble and am not sure when I will be getting it fixed. This is stressing me out A LOT because I am kind of stuck up here on my own if my car won't start...I can't get a ride to work or anything. I need to realize first of all that if my car won't start and I can't get to work, it's not the end of the world. Stuff like that happens to people all the time. But I feel really really bad about that kind of thing, which is why I have yet to ever call in sick to work or anything like that, even if I really don't feel like going. As lazy and irresponsible as I am, I feel guilty enough about missing one day of work (a 4 hour day, at that) for it to completely ruin my day. I remember the one day I couldn't go in after I broke my arm I just about blew my brains out. In any case, hopefully the car will be a-ok until I can get it fixed and then this will just all be a moot point.

3.) ...I can't think of anything else. Is that really all? Lord, I need therapy then. One thing that's bothering me is that I have a bad headache, and I think in my brain I'm associating that headache with stress and therefore assuming that I have a LOT on my mind, when in fact I'm pretty sure the headache is just leftover sinus crap from last week's cold.

On a more positive note, I had a fun weekend. I guess I didn't actually "do" anything, but it was sunny and gorgeous, I didn't have to work, I had fun hanging out with people, etc. I had, in fact, just been thinking that my life is really good right now. Haha, thanks for such a great Monday, universe. Suck it. Anyway, I am generally pretty happy these days and have many of the things in my life that I didn't have for a while. Additionally, I'm looking forward to spring and summer. I have some goals:

• Get outside more. The sun can be a pain in the ass but too bad.
• Do more actual activities and less sitting around.
• Eat more ice cream (always).
• Enjoy life. Kind of vague, but hey. I felt like putting it.

I hope that people don't hate me for writing long, boring shit like this. Sorry, but that's the kind of blog this is going to be, probably. In fact, if you are reading this, I wish that YOU would write me absurdly long-winded emails on a regular basis. That's one thing I miss. Back in my email heyday I could knock out a four page email every day, and getting them in return was just as good or better. So if you're ever bored or feel like blathering on and on about nothing, don't think for a second that I wouldn't love to read it. Hit me up!

I r a genius....OR R I??

Sometimes (a lot of times), I feel really dumb. I also feel conflicted about my dumbness. I mean, I know, in the scheme of things and in relation to the actual population of the world, I am not dumb. I can go to the mall and stand around and listen to people say things that contain dangerously high concentrations of stupidity, and yet, when I talk to a really smart person, or read a really good book, or hear people having an intelligent discussion, I'm just like, damn, I'm stupid.

For a long time I believed that I was really smart. I don't think all through elementary, middle, and high school (even college?) that I ever questioned that I was really, really smart. I could do anything anybody asked me to do, any time. Any test that I was given, I could score the highest that you could possibly score. No problem. But in the real world I am not doing so hot. There are so many people who are more informed than me when it comes to, say, politics, religion, technology, science...basically just the whole world around us. People read books that I don't understand. They learn things faster than I do. They are more creative than me. And they are everywhere, outsmarting me at every turn! Why am I getting dumber and dumber while everyone else just keeps getting smarter? I don't think library school is helping matters. I think librarians have a rep for being smart people, and I guess they are a lot of times, but in reality you could be really fucking stupid and still get through library school fairly easily. It's not hard at all. It's just...using the library. Middle schoolers do it. Retarded people do it (trust me, I see them). I kind of wish I had had the balls to do something really challenging, where I would have been pushed to really do my best, rather than taking the easy way out. Which is what I feel like I'm doing.

Why does any of this matter? I'm not sure. It might come in part from the fact that, for a long time, I was The Smart Kid. There may have always been someone who was funnier/cooler/faster/cuter than I was, someone who could sing better or draw better or had more friends, but at least I had the smug satisfaction of knowing (thinking) that I was smarter than them. And it let me be Somebody, somebody who was the best at one thing, rather than a regular, average old Nobody. Now that I am not The Smartest, I kind of feel like the Coyote who walked off the cliff and just looked down to see nothing but open air underneath.

The real bitch here is that I am totally going to stay this way (dumb and nervous about it) because I am too afraid to try to be smarter. I'm afraid that I will "out" myself as dumb to people who I previously had fooled; I'm afraid that I'll try to challenge myself but fail and realize that I am a permanent resident of Dumbton. I don't want to be that person who's always trying to get deep or talk about "smart" things and you're just like, "Aw, honey.....no." And I guess, as always, I have problems with attention and motivation. Ask me about this tomorrow and I'll probably be all, "Ah, bitches, whatever! I'm smart as hell! Get that book out of my face...let's eat some cookies!" Heh. I do know a lot about cookies. I guess that's something.

I hope this didn't sound real super-serious or anything. I'm just shooting the shit. I actually wrote some parts of this several months ago and it's just been sitting on my computer, so now you (whoever you are) have to read it. Ha ha. Tough luck.

Splish splash

I want to go to one of those indoor waterparks. The current Columbus Alive! has an article reviewing the 2 of them in central Ohio (Fort Rapids and Coco Key) , and they sound so cool. Plus there's just something so appealing about going to a waterpark in March...must come from living my entire life in Iowa and Ohio. Suck it, winter! I'm at a waterpark! Unfortunately they're kind of expensive and I also doubt that I will ever have the time or the motivation to go to one. Oh well. It's nice to dream.

Making raisins?

Someone put a paper plate full of grapes under the tree in front of our apartment. In the snow.

Is this...some sort of voodoo ritual? An offering to the tree gods? An ancient grape-disposal technique?

Why are there grapes out there? WHY?

Half Price Books for Everyone

I just got back from the new Westerville Half Price Books. Best shopping trip ever! They had free cookies, pretzels, animal crackers, coffee, and Capri Suns. I think the Capri Suns were for the kids, but I don't drink coffee so I took one. I am not too proud to wander around a crowded bookstore sucking on a little foil pouch. They did not have any of the books or CDs that I went there looking for, but that didn't stop me from buying 4 books and 1 CD anyway (The Cupcake Cafe Cookbook, Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus, 101 Things To Do Before You Die, The Essential Whitman, and the best of the Counting Crows). I got half off the cookbook with my coupon (making it a quarter-priced book, I guess). And uh...this one guy who works there might be a perfect nerdy dreamboat. Not that I pay attention to that sort of thing. March 1 is teacher/librarian appreciation day...20% off. I'll be back, Half Price Books. I'm not through with you yet.

Double snow day!!

Man. I didn't have to go to work yesterday or today. That is too awesome to put into words. Snow days are just the kind of thing you need in life to keep you going. Like, just when I'm totally sick of work and thinking of calling in sick about twice a week, I get two unexpected days off.

I did sleep until 11:30 today, which I didn't really want to do, but I woke up this morning at 5:45 and took a shower just because I didn't know whether or not I had to go to work. I didn't get back to sleep until 7:15 or so, so I can justify the ridiculous sleepalldayosity. I do need to finish my taxes and *ahem* my job applications today, but first I am going to eat lunch and watch the Gary Gulman standup thing that I taped last night. If I had a donut right now I'd be too happy to live.

Oh, and sorry all these entries are totally pointless. I know everyone reading this (all...two of you?) is probably bored, but I'm just trying to get in the habit of doing this regularly. DEAL WITH IT. And happy Valentine's day.

Be Mine

So I am getting my blog on from here at the parents house while I wait for my laundry to finish. Laundry is pretty freaking tedious, especially when you have two loads. I don't feel like I can leave the house or go to sleep, because I have to be ready for the first load to finish so I can put the second one in right away...I don't know. I'm probably thinking about it too much. I wish I had a washer and dryer at my apartment, that would be awesome.

Valentine's Day is this week. I love Valentine's Day! That is probably totally cheeseball, and I'm probably supposed to be like "why should you only tell people you care about them on a designated day blah blah blah commercial-cakes," but I don't care. I like it. For one thing, there is an overabundance of a.) stuffed animals, b.) chocolate, and c.) pink things at this time of year, all of which I am a big fan of. But more than that, I just like getting dumb cards and stuff from my friends (including e-cards...Screaming Banshee, anyone?). In high school I remember making either hilariously angry/bitter cards about how I was going to die alone or really inappropriately dirty cards and giving them to people. I don't need a dozen long-stemmed roses or a moonlit walk on the beach or whatever. I just think the stupid stuff is fun, especially in the middle of godforsaken February when all I really want to do is curl up under a hundred blankets and die a little.

Oh ok, so it's supposed to snow anywhere from like 3 to 9 inches here in the next day or two (they are being very vague about the forecast). This presents me with the following problem: do I or do I not wish for a shit-ton of snow? Because if I DO wish for a shit-ton of snow, and we get 9 or 10 inches, they might possibly close the library and give me a day off work, which would be freaking awesome. However, we might still get all that snow but they DON'T close the library, in which case I will be stuck making the 4,000 mile drive to work in the two feet of snow that MY stupid ass wished for. Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, people don't realize how complicated my life is. These are the difficult decisions that I have to make on a day-to-day basis. The library should send a bus up to my apartment to pick me up so that I don't have to worry about it either way. That's what I think.

Sunday

I heard the best song on the radio on Friday. It's called Grace Kelly, by Mika. I loved it, but then again I've only heard it once so you can take that for what it's worth. It reminds me of Queen a little bit. They have it on iTunes but I don't want to buy the song yet in case I end up buying the album...that way I won't have to get mad about wasting 99 cents. According to Amazon the CD comes out on the 8th (which is weird, b/c that's a Thursday) and it also costs like $35 right now. That might be the import version? I don't know. I'm sure I'll be sick of the song in like a week anyway.

In other (actual) news, I'm going to be applying for a couple of jobs here today or tomorrow. I hope I get one. I could certainly use a change. I have almost been at my job for ten months. TEN! That's four months longer than I've worked at any of my other seven jobs...and ten months longer than I wanted to work at my current one. Heh. I'm also thinking of doing some volunteer work somewhere. I will probably end up not doing that b/c I'm too scared of whatever new people I will have to deal with at said hypothetical volunteer job.

The Super Bowl is tonight. Go...Colts? I guess? I watch it for the commercials and the excuse to put various foodstuffs into my face. Mmm. Foodstuffs.

So is the first post in my blog supposed to be some sort of big special post about my philosophy or the purpose of the blog and whatnot? It probably is, but whatevs. This blog is not about anything. Don't act surprised.