Lolz 'n' linkz

Last week I was on Slate, with the sole intention of reading Dear Prudence--I've lately developed a seriously unstable obsession with reading advice columns, blogs, and forums. Please feel free to make suggestions as to what that says about my psyche. Uh, anyway. I happened to see this column called "You cannot resist lolcats," and, seeing as how I in fact cannot resist said lolcats, I clicked on it.

The slide show isn't super informative, but it does have some interesting tidbits. For example, I was surprised and strangely excited to see people writing about lolcat grammar. I also discovered the hilarious saga of the lolrus--read it from the bottom up if you're not familiar with the story. And finally, because somebody out there loves me, I discovered that there is such a thing as the lolbrarian: post some fucking catalogers! God, how I love that. What tiny portion of the population loves lolcats and also gets librarian jokes? Not enough, I say.

One other link that I wanted to post (hopefully I didn't already do this) is to this page, where you can view a list of Texas death row inmates' last meal requests, going as far back as the 80s. I don't know why, but I could read that for hours. I find it incredibly fascinating. You probably don't, but that's why this is my blog and not yours.

I'm buggin out! I'M BUGGIN OUT!

I have entomophobia: fear of insects. Please don't try to reasonably explain to me why I shouldn't be afraid of bugs; it's a phobia. It's a natural psychological response to piss down your leg at the sight of a little bug, okay? The main object of my phobia these days is the common house centipede, or, as I like to call it, "satanpede." What you may not know about the satanpede is that it can run at speeds up to 90 mph, smells fear, and carries a tiny switchblade in each one of its many hands. Also: can read your thoughts, and eats babies. Those may seem like hilarious jokes to you, but if you read that article I linked to you'll find the following information:

"[Satanpedes] capture prey by half pouncing and half lassoing them. They can capture several prey items at one time. They feed on one specimen while holding the others with their quivering, lashing appendages."

SEE?! Tiny lassoes! These fuckers mean business. The worst thing is that the only solution I've found to getting rid of them (besides calling an exterminator, which, like, I'm poor) is to put down glue traps along the baseboards, where they like to run. Because, if you're terrified of something, the best way to deal with it is to be forced to stare at its lifeless, decaying carcass stuck to a puddle of glue for a week. Jesus. I can't fucking win.

I do have to say: the capper to this whole entry is that I noticed on the Wikipedia entry for "-phob," under "psychological conditions," claustrophobia is listed as "fear of Santa Claus." That is so rad. I know I should be all, "that is an inappropriate use of this resource," but whatever, it's so funny.

Dusty Corners

I CLEANED MY ROOM!!

For realsies, I did. It's not totally done yet. I didn't get to the "normal" cleaning stuff like tidying up the top of my desk and dresser, but I did the REAL stuff. I had 3 boxes and a set of plastic drawers that had not been unpacked since I moved in, and I finally went through them and found all of them to be extraneous save for one box of school supply type stuff. So those are gone. I brought back down the kitchen chair that I took up there months ago to stand on for spider-killing. Most importantly, I somehow fixed the closet door that I broke, like, five minutes after we moved in. This whole time I haven't really had access to the whole left side of my closet, which was a big obstacle/excuse for my room being so messy. I couldn't get into it so I didn't make use of the space, and then I let that kitchen chair sit there in the middle of the floor forever because it wasn't technically blocking anything useful, blahblahblahomgI'msolazy. People always tell me that I will feel better if I just get stuff like this done and out of the way. It turns out that they are right, but don't think I have learned my lesson. I never learn.

On a totally separate note, I heard two songs today that I strongly associate with last summer: Snow Patrol's "Hands Open" and "Stop I'm Already Dead" by...is it Deadboy and the Elephant Men? "Hands Open" is actually on a CD I just burned, and it makes me think of last summer when I always had it in my head and used to sing it during Online Info Systems while goofing around OCLC with Erica. As for "Stop I'm Already Dead..." well, if you don't know the story there then there's no point explaining it, but again: good times. The point is, all this reminds me that last summer was a lot of fun. I started hanging out more with new people (Jared and Erica, specifically--then there was The Bill Fiasco, as I like to call it, later in the summer) and I was pretty much always busy doing fun things or working tons of extra hours or taking my hellacious (but fun, in retrospect) classes. I want this summer to be amazing. I feel like I can make it happen, but I'm pretty zoned out right now so it may take some prodding. So, dear readers, I'm asking you to do your part to help make this summer the Summer of Summers. You can contribute in any way you see fit. Together, we CAN make a difference.

I thank you.