The Chaser Nation

Boys and girls

2009-06-10T19:23:00.003-05:00

Ok, I saw this on Digg today, and it actually made me really angry. I feel like this is a total dig at girls and lets guys off the hook completely. I mean, my question to guys is, if this girl is such a clueless, selfish, insensitive bitch who's using you all the time, then why the hell are you following her around like a fucking puppy dog acting like she's the greatest and you just have to be with her? Sure, girls who lead guys on (ie flirt with them all the time or randomly make out with them just to decline to actually date them) are not cool, but once you can tell she's not interested, move on. If you continue to fawn over her, do her favors, and put up with her shit, then you're just as much of a douchebag as she is.

Gah. That is all.

Hey! Have you ever heard of "computers"?

2009-03-19T21:44:00.003-05:00

LOL, ok...I am looking back through some really old emails I wrote, and I just found one from June 2006 that starts out with "Aaah! Oh my gosh! Have you ever been to youtube?"

That is so funny. I can't believe that I ever wrote that sentence. Was I way behind the curve in thinking that Youtube was new and exciting in 2006? To be fair, I had been living with my parents which equaled dial-up internet, so...yeah. Apparently I was using it to a.) watch interviews with cast members of The Office and b.) old clips from Sesame Street. Add in cats and people getting hurt and that's pretty much what I'm still using it for.

So weird to be back here

2009-02-22T22:34:00.004-05:00

I saw Ben Folds! Bill and Dan and I went to see his show at the LC on Saturday night.

It was awesome! Because I am old, I got kind of annoyed about having to wait in a long line in the cold, and about not having a good view (at first) and about people stepping all over me and squeezing in front of me and generally being dicks. However, I got over all that within about the first 3 minutes of the show.

The last time I saw Ben Folds he was with the Five, and it was ten years ago which means I was 16; it was my senior year of high school. I think it's a rare thing to like an artist and be excited about their concert just as much when you're 26 as when you were 16. I literally grew up listening to Ben Folds. I was so happy to able to experience the concert with Bill and with Dan, who I think loves BF as much as I do. :)

On a semi-related note, on the morning of the show I got tickets for a Decemberists concert in June. Awesome! I am already totally looking forward to it, even though it's more than 3 months away. They are apparently coming out with a new album in March so hopefully that will tide me over.

Love and infectious disease is in the air...

2009-02-15T20:42:00.002-05:00

This year for Valentine's Day I got some lovely purple tulips, a nice card, and the most absolutely vicious, unrelenting stomach bug that has ever existed. I guess I shouldn't go into any grody details here on my public blog, and yet I want to convey to you how truly sick I was. I'll just say that I lost a full seven and a half pounds in twenty four hours. I seriously wanted to die. I haven't been that sick in forever. Saturday and Sunday (today) my stomach felt better but I'm so dehydrated and underfed that my heart's beating all crazy and I can barely stand up. We had to cancel our Valentine's plans to cook dinner and make cupcakes (CUPCAKES!). That blows.

In other news, I bought myself a new pair of sneakers online today. I dunno. That's all I got. What's up with you?

Snacks!

2009-02-08T23:22:00.002-05:00

I just spent a long time looking up information on strawberry Twinkies (RIP). I was originally looking up info on crispy M&Ms, but anyway....I came across two OTHER discontinued junk foods which I had totally forgotten about: Tato Skins chips, and Keebler Magic Middles cookies. I would KILL for a bag of either one of these snacks; they were so good. Seriously. Magic Middles. I don't know what else to say.

I'm also really craving a Twinkie now.

...Foot Locker?

2009-02-01T21:02:00.002-05:00

Here are some store names from Mall of America's "Specialty Retail" category that could also work as porn titles:

Viva La Diva
Belts and Buckles
Rich Girl
Picture Perfect
Foto Fantasy
Do-It-Yourself Spa
The French Market
Impulse
Magic Scarf
Natural Beauty
Heather's Perfume
Oriental Treasures

and

Hawaii Crabs

Chef Boyardee!

2008-12-28T22:38:00.002-05:00

This is totally random, but you know what I have never liked? Canned pasta, ie Chef Boyardee or Spaghetti-os. Not even when I was a little kid, and definitely not now. Even the smell of it makes me kind of grossed out. And I'm not trying to be all fancy or elitist here; there's plenty of disgusting food that I did/do eat (Dinty Moore beef stew, anybody?). I think it's obnoxious when people make out like they can't understand why anybody would ever eat food like that. I was just looking at this blog where somebody commented that you could make a delicious lentil soup with the same amount of effort; bullshit. Dinner from a can takes 60 seconds max, faster than any other food except maybe a bowl of cereal or, like, a candy bar. I'm no Gwyneth Paltrow, saying I'd rather die than give my kid soup from a can...Campbell's chicken and dumplings FTW, that's my motto.

Anyway. I was just thinking about Chef Boyardee and I wondered if I'm the only child of the 80s/90s who doesn't like that stuff. So, what about you? What cheap/childish foods (Easy Mac; Hot Pockets; Spam; etc.) do/don't you like?

I didn't break my back today!

2008-12-17T19:45:00.002-05:00

But I tried. This morning I stepped out on to my front steps, completely oblivious to the fact that everything was completely covered in a sheet of ice, and on my first step my feet flew up from underneath me ("just like in the movies!" said the nurse. Yes, how glamorous...) and I came crashing down, spine first, onto the concrete steps. It was so painful, you guys. I was totally trying not to go all hysterical while I rang the doorbell 8 million times because I could not bend over to pick up my keys. I went inside and put some ice on my back and took some of Bill's leftover prescription pain medicine, but it wasn't really feeling very much better and one of the vertebrae seemed to be twice the size of the other ones, so eventually I decided to go to urgent care and get it looked at. Oh yeah, that was after my family doctor's office told me they couldn't get me in until tomorrow afternoon. Like, yeah, no problem, my SPINE X-RAYS can totally wait a day and a half.

Anyway, the undramatic end to my story is that the exam and x-rays seemed fine. I actually even went in at 2 for a half-day of work, because my stubborn refusal to take ANY time off for the next three months even extends to possibly serious back injuries. I'm feeling okay now, but my back hurts like crazy if you touch it at all, and I can almost guarantee you a rad bruise to rival the one I got...well, the one I got the last time I fell down the stairs. Watch this spot for pictures.

Snot rude, is it?

2008-12-09T21:42:00.003-05:00

What are people's thoughts on nose-blowing? When I'm at work and have to blow my nose, I never know how "polite" I have to be about it. Do I have to go in the bathroom and shut the door, or what? Usually my rule is as long as I'm not looking at somebody while I do it, it's not a big deal. Like, if I'm sitting at a desk looking at a computer and other people are at other desks or whatever, I would probably just blow my nose right there assuming it is not some huge, disgusting post-cold epic event. Am I totally out of line on this? I was just looking at something online that made it sound like blowing your nose anywhere other than a closed restroom is inexcusable. Oops.

What's cookin good lookin

2008-12-07T12:03:00.002-05:00

I feel that this is not the most exciting or cutting edge web site out there, but I have to say, I freakin' love allrecipes.com. Let me tell you why.

1.) Lots of people use it, so there are a ton of recipes and usually a ton of feedback on those recipes. The feedback is my absolute favorite thing about the site. You can obviously get recipes anywhere, but having 5-500 people leaving comments really helps you to figure out how to perfect the recipe. People who have actually made the dish will leave suggestions about cooking time, a different type of dish or pan to use, a change in technique, or about what ingredients to increase, decrease, add or omit. You also don't have to waste your time making a recipe that a bunch of other people have found to be no good. This feedback is invaluable, especially to a beginner/intermediate cook like myself.

2.) There is a wide variety of recipes. There are some very fancy, gourmet recipes on the site, and there are a lot of very basic, family-friendly type recipes (the type that a lot of people might say are gross or low-class or whatever, but let's face it, that's what a lot of people are eating most days, and frankly a lot of it tastes plenty good). Most of the recipes that I've looked at are good, middle of the road dishes in terms of fanciness and difficulty. In any case, whatever you're looking for is probably on there.

3.) The site has a lot of simple but useful features: you can create your own recipe box to save recipes that you like or want to try; you can upload a photo of a recipe you've made, and view other members' photos; you can print off recipes in a variety of formats; etc.

The only thing that I don't like, which actually led me to write this post, is the hokey-ass terms that so many of the site's members use in their recipe comments. I hate when they use corny words like "zippy" to describe a dish. What does that even mean? I also hate when people say their family/friends/co-workers "gobbled" a dish up, or, similarly, "wolfed it down." I do not need the image of these people as turkeys/wolves, cramming some slop down their pie-holes as fast as they possibly can. Not appetizing at all, thanks. Lastly, the use of the word "hubby" is about to drive me to suicide. I don't even know why, but I HATE it. Is it that much easier to say/type "hubby" than it is "husband?" It's not really a shorter word. It's just so unnecessarily cutesy, and for whatever reason I always imagine the women using it to be the type of women who are totally stupid and fawning/submissive to their men; I think a lot of times I see it in the context of "I made this dish but hubby didn't like it at all; I won't make it again" which makes me think they're just slaving around in the kitchen until they finally find something that Master Hubby approves of.

Anyway. If you like to cook or bake, I do suggest that you check this site out. It has been super, super useful to me and has even earned a place in my bookmarks toolbar thingy. I'm chasemytail on there (natch), although I don't know if I even have a public profile or if you can "friend me" or anything like that.

My new girlfriend:

2008-11-30T14:06:00.002-05:00

And of course some Ben Folds:

Personally I am still sucking about 8 pounds of balls on the ukulele, but I HAVE been practicing which is surprising. I think I need an actual live teacher though in addition to just books and Youtube videos. I need someone to, like, grab my hands and stuff.

10 Random Things About Me

2008-11-17T21:52:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I am like cross-contaminating my blog worlds here, but anyway, here goes. Ten random things about me:

1.) I don't mind the taste of mint (toothpaste, gum, etc.) but I don't like mint flavored foods (ice cream, thin mints, etc.).

2.) I've been swearing since I was at least ten.

3.) My first car was a 1990 Toyota Tercel. Somebody named it the Flaming Maple because it was red and because the speedometer was in kilometers per hour instead of miles per hour, indicating that it came from Canada. It was pretty crappy but I didn't mind it.

4.) I can't touch my toes; not even close.

5.) I have a pair of bowling shoes from Stuckeybowl, the bowling alley from the TV show Ed, which I was obsessed with in college. Unfortunately they are not my size.

6.) I am learning to cook. Every Sunday I find a recipe online and make it, with Bill's help. So far I have made jambalaya, beef stew, spicy mac and cheese, and a rad Thai chicken and shrimp stir-fry, among others. No major failures....yet.

7.) Before I started at my current job, I had worked at 7 different jobs in 7 years and had never worked in one place for more than six months. I am now at 2.5 years in one place...it's crazy!

8.) I think honeymooning in Hawaii is totally cliche, but I really, really want to do it.

9.) For two years I insisted that the crazy itching I have on my legs was not due to a cat allergy, but I'm starting to admit to myself that that's probably exactly what it is.

10.) Other careers I would enjoy include jewel thief, tattoo artist, Jeopardy clue writer, TV critic, and baker.

Good lord, that took me forEVER. I hope you appreciate it. ;)

I made a LOLveep

2008-09-27T12:08:00.003-05:00

Heh heh. I come up with the best things when I'm supposed to be cleaning the house.

Why I'm Moving To Ravenna

2008-09-25T15:24:00.001-05:00

They have found a way to combine two things I love.

If I find a library that actually circulates cake, you'll never see me again.

Success!

2008-09-18T16:42:00.003-05:00

I know I've posted here before with tales of baking woe, but today I have a success story!! One of my co-workers is leaving the library, so we were bringing in food today. She's a vegan, so I figured it was finally time to break out my Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World cookbook. I originally was planning to make lemon macadamia cupcakes, but last night I realized that the recipe called for a bunch of ground macadamia nuts, and I don't have a coffee grinder or a food processor or anything like that. So I decided to go with basic chocolate and do the variation that turns them into cookies and cream cupcakes.

They came out SO perfect! I took them out of the oven right at 18 minutes, and they were just right: toothpick came out dry, cute little rounded tops. I made the frosting this morning, and it was also great. It was tasty and a perfect consistency for spreading. When I finally got to work and could try one, I was not disappointed. They were moist, chocolatey, and just basically delicious. I was so happy! I know part of the reason they worked out is because I've moved and have a better oven, but my co-worker Cassie also suggests that the vegan gods were smiling down on me. Haha, who knows! I may actually make another batch because I still have half a package of Newman-Os (yum) and a bunch of soy milk (not so yum) sitting around.

All CNN and no play makes Chaser something something

2008-09-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

Well, I haven't blogged in a long time, but I am so annoyed with all this election bullshit that I just couldn't control myself. I really want to punch Sarah Palin in the face. I hate her and everything to do with her. HATE. I disagree with her on, like, every issue, for starters. I am also totally enraged by the women who were Hillary supporters but now are supporting McCain only because he picked a woman as his running mate. There was a woman on American Morning the other day who acknowledged that she did not agree with the politics of McCain or Palin but that she was going to vote for them anyway. That is the most irresponsible fucking thing I have ever heard. That woman is retarded. She said something like "well, I don't want to vote FOR McCain as much as I want to vote AGAINST Obama." WELL GUESS WHAT, LADY. You can't do that. When you vote FOR McCain, it's a vote FOR McFuckingCain!! Damn. She was also saying that Obama not picking a female running mate shows that he doesn't care about women/the female vote. Uh, what? I did not know that you could only care about the thoughts and opinions of your own gender. Fucking idiots. Would these women vote for McCain if he had picked, say, Britney Spears or the green M&M as his running mate? I don't really want to know.

I'm also totally insulted that I'm supposed to be all up in her shit just because she's a woman and I'm a woman. Guess what. There are like 3 billion women in the world, and a lot of them are stupid jackasses who I would very much like to kick in the shins. I mean, if you like the Republican ticket because you feel that they are the best people to run our country, then fine. I'm just saying that it takes a lot more than having a chocha to get in my good graces.

Finally, I'm offended by all the people (male and female alike) at the convention who are proudly wearing buttons encouraging everybody to vote for the "hot" VP candidate. I don't even want to get into that one, it should be self-explanatory. She's not running for Miss America, boys and girls, she's a fucking vice-presidential candidate.

The only real upshot to all this is that Bill gets crazy angry at like, every politician on TV, and the reporters too, and it's hilarious. Here's a bit of our conversation from dinner, upon hearing America The Beautiful being sung at the RNC, with lots of patriotic posturing:

Me: Man, I guess I don't love my country as much as I should.
Bill: Why, because you're not raising your hands in the air and waving them around? This country's fucked up.
Me: ...but, I mean, they're like crying and clutching their flags at the mention of purple mountain's majesty.
Bill: They're a bunch of self-important asshats.

Hehe. Constant loop of CNN+angry Bill=good times.

Wanted: One house, non-awful

2008-06-01T16:58:00.003-05:00

So. Bill and I are currently elbow-deep in the search for a place to live. It hasn't been going spectacularly thus far. Just today we looked at a place that sounded perfect on paper but just didn't sit right with me for whatever reason. I suspect that I am being too picky about some things based on the age of the houses we are looking at (mostly built in the '20s, one in the '40s), but at the same time just because a house was built in the '20s doesn't mean that it shouldn't have been updated or maintained in any way since that date. The kitchens and bathrooms are my real problem, I think. A crumbly, moldy tub or splintered, crusty kitchen cabinets (see also: cabinets with 80 layers of old paint on them) are a real turn-off to me. I'm pretty quickly learning that "updated bathroom" means "we updated the cabinet under the sink; the tub is still a barrel that you fill by hand with icy water and then use a rag on a stick to wash yourself."

The alternative to all this would be just finding some nice two-bedroom in a modern apartment complex somewhere. I've looked at a couple online, and I'll admit I'm attracted to the pristine appliances and luxuries like electrical outlets in the bathroom, but on the whole living in a traditional apartment complex just holds zero appeal for me. I'm not even sure why. I guess it feels very temporary and anonymous to me to be living in a big complex with neighbors in identical units on both sides, above and below. I'm getting too old for that. I need to feel like I have a home, not just a place that I'm staying.

The good news is that we have quite a bit of time left to find a place. If we go another month or so and still haven't found anything, I'll really start to worry. In the meantime I will continue to check Craigslist 10 times a day and hope for a miracle. You never know.

Poppin' Fresh

2008-05-15T13:46:00.003-05:00

I just tried using my Blast Off Belly Fat DVD for the first time. Oh man.

First of all, it's ridiculous because I don't really have anywhere to do it. There is space in the basement, but that room is swimming in toxic mold so I don't really want to be rolling around on the carpet or breathing deeply. I'm stuck upstairs in the living room then, in this 4 by 2 foot space I made by pushing the coffee table over a little bit. And then the cat sees me laying on the floor and thinks it's jungle gym time and I have to beat her off me every two seconds.

On top of all that, I am a fat, lazy librarian and I could not really even get through ONE of the ten minute workouts. I am so deeply out of shape that I'm not sure how I can even stand up or do simple tasks like typing or scratching an itch. I could only feel the muscles at the very top of my stomach working; the rest, I suspect, have turned from muscles into thick reserves of frosting that my body feeds off of when it's gone too long without cupcakes.

I was really hoping to see at least some small loss in inches/increase in tone before I hit the beach this summer, but it's not looking good. Maybe I will get lucky and this year's trends will include "soft" and "translucent."

The long and winding road

2008-05-13T07:35:00.002-05:00

Man, I feel like no one has been blogging lately, myself included. What's up with that?

So I graduated on Sunday. About freaking time, right? I have been out of college for exactly four years, which makes me feel super, super old. But anyway, I'm very happy to not have school hanging over my head any more, and it feels weird for the first time in 20 years not to have any plans to attend school....ever. I'm sure I will at least take a class or something in the future, but for the most part I think this is really the end of the line for me, school-wise. I am alright with that.

My mom bought me a gift certificate to Build A Bear as a graduation present, which is awesome because I am eight and also because I had been hinting around that I wanted one to about fifty people for quite some time now. I do not care if it is weird to build a bear at age 25, I am going to build one and it is going to make me happy. Don't judge me. As a totally random "graduation present," my dad was also able to fix that horrible "corpse in the trunk" noise my car was making by screwing down a piece of plastic back behind the rear tire. After the Nissan dealership was unable to find the problem despite having the car ALL DAY, that's all it took. So now I don't feel like I'm gonna die all the time. Bonus!

The other big thing that happened is that ONE day after receiving my degree, I had my first professional job interview. I really have no idea how it went. I know there are other candidates out there who deserve the job as much as or more than I do, but I have to say that I think I would rock that job. Rock it like a hurricane.

Touching base

2008-04-22T22:03:00.002-05:00

I have not blogged in a while, so here's a token entry for ya. :)

The only major thing that's happened, I think, is going to see Avenue Q, which was awesome. I've also been having fun getting outside more and trying to enjoy the weather, which has been kind of depressing with my new pseudo-full-time schedule. But I do my best. Also, I have a long list of things I want to buy and only a tiny little bit of money. I'm sure no one reading this can relate to that feeling.

That's pretty much it. I hope everything is going good with you. We should hang out more, call me sometime.

A rude awakening

2008-03-24T22:12:00.002-05:00

Sometime after six this morning I woke up from a very real and scary dream about somebody coming into my work, taking hostages, and trying to kill a whole lot of customers and staff. It was really intense and actually made me nervous about going in today. Later on I found out that at exactly that same time, someone was getting beaten very soundly and thoroughly in the head with a pipe right outside the back door of my work. A bloody hat, a bloody knife, and video surveillance tell the whole story, but I don't really have all the details.

Say what you will about the coincidence between the dream and the beating; it happens to me a lot, but logically I know that it's crazy to try to draw any really connections between the two. Regardless of all that, though, I find it kind of disturbing that somebody got jumped like that right on the sidewalk at my job, just a couple of hours before we start showing up for work. Most people were kind of making light of it, but it seemed pretty serious to me. Maybe if I work there for a couple more years, things like this will just be normal. I'll let you know, I guess.

Nothin says lovin like my jacked up oven.

2008-03-23T22:06:00.003-05:00

You know how some people say they can't keep plants alive, and claim to have a "black thumb" or "brown thumb?" Is there a correlate of that for baking? Because that's what I have. Tonight I had to make a cake for work. I was making a cake-mix cake, because it is easier but mostly because the girl had specifically asked for the Funfetti type of cake. So I mixed all the crap together and put it in the oven; the box said 350 degrees (which I did) for 32-36 minutes for a 13x9 pan. So I set the timer for 30 minutes, just to be safe.

At 20 minutes into baking, I just happened to go into the kitchen and peek at the cake. The thing was totally golden brown and when I opened the oven I even got the faintest whiff of the beginning of that burnt smell. So I pulled it out of the oven, and dudes, that bitch was done. DONE BAKING. The middle was slightly iffy, but the edges were browning, firm, and pulling away from the edge of the pan. The cake sprung back when touched lightly. I don't know what to say. It was insanely early for it to be done. I don't know if our oven temp is messed up (I have never had any other problem with it), or...who knows. I know that I did not do anything wrong, I checked a million times. And yeah, thank god I happened to check it when I did or it would have gotten totally crispy, but it still stresses me out that it might be gooey or gross or something when people go to eat it tomorrow.

Stuff like this happens to me all the time when baking. And I mean, if you can't make a cake mix cake, you should really just quit with the baking. Because that shit is easy, and they test it a million billion times. So, I don't know. It seems like I have finally found one thing that I really enjoy/am interested in, and I have some stupid jinx or something that keeps me from being able to do it at a level above, like, a four-year-old. If I make one more cake that comes out burned, or hard as a rock, or still raw in the middle, or flat as a pancake, I think I will finally snap. Pillsbury can pretty much suck it, is what I have to say. God.

I did make a tasty icing though. I'm good at icing.

I Think I'll Go To Boston

2008-03-12T21:22:00.002-05:00

For starters, I just want to say that any time I talk to someone around here who has a British accent, I assume that they are faking. And then I immediately start to treat them like they're insane, because you would have to be insane to fake a British accent all the time. So, I don't know. I have felt that way for a long time and I just wanted to get that off my chest. Stop being pretend British, y'all. It's not funny.

Secondly, work has been insane for the past three days specifically and the past little while generally. I don't want to get into details on this blog, but so far this week has been easily one of the worst since I started working there. To use a totally played out but accurate metaphor, I feel like I am in a huge pool of water and just barely, barely keeping my head above the surface. And when you feel like that day after day it's just like, how long can you keep treading water?

Finally, I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately because I feel like the entire rest of my life is beyond my control. After I graduate I will just be sitting around waiting for someone else to decide where I can work, and I will be moving around based on somebody else's needs, and I have even been planning my free time lately based on what everybody else wants. I just want to call the shots for a little bit. I just want to say "I'm moving here" or "I want to work there" or "I'm paying this much money for ___" without having to consult with anybody else or convince them of my point. It all makes me feel helpless, and kind of worthless, which just makes me feel bad about a million other things.

Pretty much I just feel like running away. I mean, don't you remember what your mom used to say when you were little?

"Running away solves everything."

The Shack of Democracy

2008-03-04T22:18:00.002-05:00

I'm sure there are a lot of meaningful things I could say about the democratic process, but my favorite quote from election day comes from Becky, re: finding our voting location:

"I drove back and forth like fifty times, and then finally I was like, oh, am I supposed to go into this shack?"

Hehe! The place was a little gangster, I'll admit, but that train of though just cracked me up. Yay for voting in a new town.

Out in the cold

2008-02-27T15:20:00.002-05:00

The good news: I neither crashed my car nor showed up a half an hour late to work today as I've done seemingly every other Wednesday this month.

The bad news: I went out at 8 to start and scrape off my car. I got in, started the engine, and got out. When I went to open the back door to get out my scraper, I realized that the back door was locked. As was the front door. And all of the rest of them. This kind of thing sucks donkey balls for about 80 different reasons, but the worst one is that my car doesn't let you lock the door when the key is in the ignition, and I never even TRIED to lock the door, and yet somehow it still happened. The one saving grace in this whole situation was that Becky had a snow day; if she hadn't been home, I would have been locked out of both my car AND my house with my purse and phone trapped inside of my running vehicle.

So I rang the doorbell 50 times and Becky came down to let me in. I used her phone to call Pop-A-Lock. (I don't have a spare car key at the apartment because I figured that generally if I can't get in my car, I can't get in my apartment either, and Becky's not home all that often. So the spare is at my parents' house. Not helpful.) Pop-A-Lock informed me that they would be at my house in AT MOST 45 minutes, and took my address, name, and phone number. So I waited 45 minutes. And then I waited 20 more. And then I called the company back. They told me that the roads were bad and that there were a lot of calls, and that they'd be there shortly. So I waited another....hour and a half. And called them a third time, at which point they finally contacted the driver to find out where the hell he was. Apparently they had added a silent K to the beginning of my street name, and the driver, unable to find me in his GPS, had been driving around aimlessly for two and a half hours. And no one had called to let me know, or bothered to inform me when I called the first time. The dispatcher said that he did not have the authority to authorize any kind of discount on the service (obviously I asked) and that I would have to speak with the driver about that; he assured me that the driver would be there in 10 minutes.

A half an hour later, the driver showed up. He popped the lock in about 3 minutes, tops. At this point my car had been running with the heat on full blast for three and a half hours. The driver then presented me with a bill for $45 dollars, which I informed him that I would not be paying. He told me that he did not have the authority to give a discount, and that I would have to talk to a dispatcher about that. When I told him that the dispatcher had told me the exact opposite thing, he kind of shrugged and held up the bill. I was all, "Do you take checks?" and he's like, "Cash or charge only." So I gave him my Discover card, and looked at me, knowing I was already so pissed off, and said "Uh...we only take Visa or Mastercard." "WELL THIS IS ALL I HAVE." Heh heh. He wrote down the number anyway and left.

I ended up calling the company back for the FOURTH time that day and basically saying that I was NOT paying for their service. I got put on with a manager who eventually agreed with me. I have never been so freaking pissed off at a company before. I understand that things happen, but to never contact me ONCE when a driver takes THREE HOURS to get here is unacceptable. As is misspelling my street name which I SPELLED FOR THE GUY OVER THE PHONE THE FIRST TIME. I ended up missing a full day of work today, which I have never done before in my life, and I feel really bad about it. Like I said before, I don't even know how the damn car got locked, so it's extra infuriating. I strongly suggest that no one ever call Pop-A-Lock to get your car unlocked. And I will very shortly be making about 900 copies of my car key to keep....well, everywhere.

...Srsly?

2008-02-18T21:55:00.003-05:00

I meant to post this a while ago, but now that I've come across it, please find below a list of really inappropriate children's book titles I found while working on a project:

Where Oh Where's My Underwear?

Peter's Package

What's In My Pocket? A Pop-Up Book

Rim job

2008-02-12T22:11:00.002-05:00

I was really hoping for a snow day this morning. I got two around this time last year, so it seemed within the realm of possibility. Almost every school in Franklin county shut down, but we didn't even have a Level One Snow Emergency, so off to work I went. The roads were BAD. Nothing in town had even been touched with a plow. I hadn't even made it a mile from my house when I hit a particularly rough patch; my car did a complete 180, skipped up the curb, and landed fully in the front lawn of Westerville South High School. Thankfully nobody was around to witness my idiocy/be killed by my wildly careening (20 mph) vehicle, so I just put it in reverse, turned around, and went on my way to work (1 hour commute today). The freeways were in nasty shape, and King Avenue was its usual almost impassable self. I don't know what it is about that road when it snows, but you should definitely avoid it.

Anyway, when I got to work I saw that my back left rim was all bent up and a piece of the hubcap had broken off. Great. Everything else seems okay, so I shouldn't really complain, but it put me on edge because I had a similar bent-rim situation a couple years back and I ended up with a flat tire by the end of the work day. Luckily this tire has held up. I just have to make it to work and back tomorrow...Thursday I work just down the road, and Friday I'm off so I can take it in to get straightened out. Ugh. Why couldn't they have just closed the damn library? It was a slow day anyway.

Oh, and I also found like 4 dead roaches and their, um, "leavings" in a book today. And yesterday a crackhead told me to fuck myself like, 9000 times in a row. So...not the best week so far.

If I want a rock band, I'll buy a Playstation

2008-01-17T21:08:00.000-05:00

Most awesome overheard cell phone conversation ever, spoken by the guy walking behind me in the library parking lot today:

"If you're such a Christian, why are you badmouthing people? Why are you being such a brat? You're supposed to be a big Christian and all you're doing is running your mouth about people. If you're such a Christian, why do you watch Desperate Housewives? Why do you watch Grey's Anatomy? Why are you having premarital sex? Because you're just like most Christians: you're full of it. 'Ooooh, come to my church, we have a rock band and a coffee bar!' If I want coffee, I'll go to Starbucks. Is this a church or a social event? You people are so full of it. I don't need God; I have a Harvard education."

Agree or disagree with his points, it was still hilarious.

A full year late

2008-01-14T23:32:00.001-05:00

Well, I don't have much to say except that my graduation process is, at long last, in full swing. I have registered for, set up, and paid for my practicum. I have filled out my graduation application, which is due by Friday (thanks Erica!). I haven't mailed it yet, but I am hoping I can fax it from work. If not I will mail it on Wednesday, and then all I'll have to do is my actual practicum, which starts on Thursday. It looks like I may get a degree after all. I'm sure I would have made a good Pizza Hut employee/stripper (the only two careers you can have if you drop out of library school), but I'm gonna stick with this for a while and see where it takes me.

And our star shines like a miracle

2008-01-01T23:30:00.000-05:00

Happy new year!

Well I rang in '08 last night with a bunch of awesome people and the perfect amount of liquor (silly-drunk earlier on but sobered up by bedtime). It really was the perfect end to a year that has been quite good to me, and it hopefully set the pace for a year that will be even better. I am looking forward to a couple of vacations this year and to moving in with Bill at the end of the summer, and aside from that all I can hope is that I get to spend as much time as possible with the people who make me laugh until I [insert embarrassing noise here].

Here are my top five highlights of 2007:

5. Getting Promoted - I was afraid it would never happen, but I did in fact get a promotion, and I'm much happier now than I was in my old position. Now I can look forward to my next new job, which will hopefully be post-graduation in May.

4. Feist Concert - I had a blast at this show, that's really all there is to it.

3. The Birthday Party - My mom: "Your birthday party?" Me: "No, mom, THE birthday party." I got momentously tipsy, got cake smashed all over me, and danced till I was literally red in the face. It was quite a celebration for my two favorite Fucking Birthday Twins of all time.

2. Nickel Creek Concert - I had waited forever to see Nickel Creek live, and I finally got my chance this summer at their Farewell for Now Tour (basically the See Us Now Or Live With The Regret Forever tour). I had second-row seats (OMG!!1!) and somehow, miraculously, it didn't thunderstorm on us despite the bajillion degree weather with like 100% humidity. It was quite the evening, and the first thing I have ever gotten to cross off my "to do before I die" list. Yay!

1. San Diego Trip - San Diego was a great place to visit. We managed to squeeze in SO many activities and restaurants, and the weather was amazing. I was stoked to get to spend so many days hanging out with Bill, and I felt like we were super grown-up flying across the country by ourselves and renting our own car and whatnot. Not to mention flying out on the cheap thanks to Skybus. The whole thing was just absolutely perfect, I don't even know what to say.

So there's my list. There were a million other great moments of course, and I'm thankful for all of them. I honestly have NO idea what 2008 has in store for me or where I will be a year from now. I hope that I'm happy, and I hope that you are too. Thanks for hangin' with me.

Boredy boredness

2007-11-29T16:41:00.000-05:00

Um, hi!

This is going to be pointless because I'm just doing it to kill time. But hey. It's a frigging blog. Pointless is the name of the game.

Well let's see. Earlier this week I got to work the reference desk solo for an entire hour; that was the first time I've ever been scheduled for an official reference hour. And it was sweet. I think I answered everybody's questions successfully. It was funny because I always say that I know how to use the "official" sources and answer the scholarly questions but that if somebody wants a bus schedule I'm stumped. Well guess what my first question was: "I live up on 161 and my girlfriend works down on Neil and we don't have a car..." Damn! The one time I tried to take a bus, I ended up walking 4 miles from Bill's apartment to Red White and Boom. But, you know, a trip to the COTA site and repeated disclaimers that "I really don't know anything about how the bus system works" and the guy left happy and grateful for my help.

I hope it's not TOO horribly long before I get to get an actual, adult-type job (like, not five years hopefully). I know that I shouldn't complain about work, and things are a lot better than they have been at other times, but still. It gets so, so tedious put things in alphabetical order for hours and hours on end. Sometimes if I'm working and I think "I'm shelving reserves this hour, and next hour I will be pulling off old reserves, and then the hour after that I have to shelve a couple of carts..." it's just like...I just want to lay down on the floor and stop. Other people don't mind and can do work like that day in and day out, but I don't know. I guess I would like something more challenging, something more creative.

I made cookies just now, from this pre-made dough that my mom bought from one of her kids. They turned out kind of weird but they taste pretty good.

Are you looking forward to Christmas? It still seems kind of far off to me, even though I know it is not. I would like to go see Wildlights and do a couple of other Christmasey type things but I think I may end up being too busy for any of that. I hope not!

It goes down easy

2007-11-19T22:23:00.000-05:00

HEY KIDS!

Well I had a kick-ass weekend. Friday I really did nothing during the day, which was awesome. Then later that night was my Chasegiving/Quarterlife Crisis party. It started out kind of lame-ish due to a bad bar/restaurant selection on my part, but it was still a good time and it was much less stressful once we got the hell out of Stripperton. It was really good to hang out with everybody...thanks a lot to those who came, and thanks for the cards/gifts/free food/free drinks as well. Y'all rock it out.

Saturday Bill and I kind of just hung out and watched the game and stuff, then in the evening we went to Pei Wei for dinner (which I LOVE) with Becky, Dan, Jared, and Erica. Then it was over to Casa Jamerica with the above crew (sub Miranda for Becky) for games, gossip, and campfire s'mores. I had forgotten how good real s'mores are. Saturday was really a perfect blend of relaxation and casual fun.

Sunday was busier; I was running late in the morning, but Erica and I still hit up the Tiny Canary indie craft show in Grandview. I actually almost hate going to those things because I want to spend more money than I have, and also because I feel bad chatting with the vendors and then not buying anything from them; sometimes I really love their stuff but it's just out of my price range or not practical for me or whatever. If anyone is shopping for art I would like to suggest Yumi Yumi, who Erica and I are totally retarded-fangirl over. Erica also bought me a birthday t-shirt which I just now remembered to try on (it fits!). After that we clothes-shopped at Target and met up with my mom for dinner at Cap City--delicious. I then hauled ass to get to Bill's so we wouldn't be late for the Feist concert, which gets its own paragraph.

Boys and girls, the Feist concert was amazing. I probably need to get out more, but I will say that it was probably the best concert I've ever been to. We were like in the third row at the Wex's Mershon Auditorium. Jason Collett opened up, and he was great. During one song Bill and I both went through the same thought process of figuring out that his drummer was a girl and then, eventually, that it was Leslie Feist herself. I mean, we couldn't see her face, we're not that dumb. Feist came out and started the show with When I Was A Young Girl, which is a.) my favorite song of hers EVAR and b.) even more totally amazing in concert. I can't even describe the whole thing, I realize that, but just trust me that the concert was at all times both totally cracked out and perfectly perfect. At one point Feist asked for a certain girl in the audience, and then the girl's boyfriend proposed to her. She said yes, everyone cheered, and the band played Sarah Harmer's "Open Window." It was so strange and exciting. I've never seen anything like that happen before. I could go on and on, and really I think I already have.

Today was back to work as usual, but that's OK. It will be a nice 4-day week, and I still have my actual birthday and Thanksgiving to look forward to. I hope you all had equally wonderful weekends, or will soon.

Reading is sexy

2007-11-07T22:58:00.001-05:00

Oh man, I don't think I ever posted this. Let me say that this is 100% real and that I actually saved it from Amazon:

Ignoring the fact that this makes it look like I was shopping for crotchless French knickers (I wasn't, I promise), I find this unbelievably hilarious. I mean, really? 6% of the people on Amazon who were searching for racy lingerie were like, "Mmm, nah. I'll just get a copy of Harry Potter instead." Maybe they meant to search for Hairy Pooter. Eww, sorry.

This is not how I imagined my life

2007-11-03T17:42:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, at my job, someone will come up to me and let me know that something is amiss in one of the public restrooms. About half the time it's not too bad: out of toilet paper, somebody left something in there, needs air freshener, etc. The other half of the time you're stuck dealing with a clog or an overflowing urinal or the like. The bad news is that there is no designated person to clean up these messes; if you're the one who gets informed of it, you're the one who gets to deal with it.

Today, just after lunch, I got notified by a customer that there was a "situation" in the women's handicap stall and that it was "disgusting." I trudged out there and opened the stall door only to be confronted by a literal shitstorm: a swirling cloud of diarrhea filling the bowl to the absolute top, with a clod of bloody toilet paper floating in the middle like an eye. This was not something that I wanted to deal with, and, more importantly, I wasn't sure how to deal with it. A plunger was my first thought, but I worried about breaking the delicate poo meniscus and trapping myself under a waterfall of excrement. I thought about digging around in there with a straightened-out hanger the way my mom taught us to do when we'd gotten a little Charmin-happy at home, but rooting around in feces when the library doesn't even provide me with health insurance just felt like an over-extension. The longer I stared (why couldn't I stop staring?), the less I could think of anything to do.

Now, people I work with are usually totally gung-ho about these kinds of things; I myself have picked up all manor of unsavory objects and even mopped up pee from the mens' room. I understand that we all need to do our part, but something about that gloppy, choleral toilet bowl was just too much for me. I felt bad. Does not wanting to clean up a strangers diarrhea make me stuck-up? Is this what I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life if I stay in this profession? Was the woman who reported the mess also the perpetrator? I may never know, because in the end, I did what I'd really wanted to do all along: I slapped up an "out of order" sign and taped the stall door shut.

Spoiler-free, don't worry

2007-10-21T20:10:00.000-05:00

So. I just watched 28 Weeks Later. And I am disturbed. I'm a big fan of the first movie, and while I didn't find either one particularly scary in your typical scary movie way, 28 Weeks Later was almost too disturbing, disgusting, terrifying, and sad. There were, somehow, a few bright spots in the first one, but this one is just so bleak. You don't normally describe a zombie* movie as "realistic," but the infection, quarantines, military presence, rebuilding...it all just seems way too possible. I almost felt sick after watching it.

I mean, it's a good movie though. You should get it.

(*I know they're not technically zombies, but you follow me.)

I could go for a slice of pie

2007-10-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

Hey kittens!

What has the Chaser been up to lately, you've been asking yourselves. Well, not much I'm afraid.

The good news is that I got a promotion at work which as been pretty sweet. I already knew how to do most of my job duties, so it's kind of like I'm just getting extra money without having to learn new things or do much more work. I like my new schedule, and I'll like my new paycheck when I get one (I mean, it's still pathetically small, but, like, less pathetically small than before). I'm going to the pumpkin show this weekend, which is always fun (read: delicious). I'm hoping to do some other Halloween things, like a haunted house or maybe even something cheesey like a hayride, but I'm worried that might not happen. I'm also thinking about planning some sort of birthday event on Nov 16, but I always change my mind on that. What do you think? Drinking for the big two-five?

The bad...meh. Nothing too bad. I feel like I haven't been seeing my friends at all. I missed out on all the $10 fares to Florida today, even though they released them at like 4 a.m. and I was up and on the website before 11. I also missed a last minute opportunity to go to the Wilco concert tonight. Lincoln and I both still have whatever messed up thing is making us itch, and I am skeptical that we're ever going to find out what it is.

The ugly: your face. OH SNAP!

I'm gonna try to be more interesting on here, I swear. That's like the bullshit blogger's mantra though, so we'll see what happens.

You want it.

2007-10-01T16:57:00.000-05:00

This is hot. Hot! The big plug on my hair dryer is like my number one problem in life.

Content-free update

2007-09-26T19:25:00.000-05:00

Erm...hey y'all. Been a while. Here's what happened: I had plans to do a big San Diego blog in order to bore everybody with the minute details of our vacation. I kept putting it off though, because I ended up telling those details to so many people in the days after the trip that I was actually boring myself. But I didn't want to blog anything else before I did the SD blog, because it seemed like it would be dumb then do go back and do it. I think it's become clear though that it's not happening at this point. In short, it was incredibly fun, we ate lots of good food and wore ourselves out seeing just about everything there is to see in San Diego. Here are my photos if you're interested and haven't seen them yet.

I haven't been up to much else since I last blogged, I'm sure. I'm hoping for a promotion at work but starting to think they might leave the job posted forever instead of giving it to anybody. I tried the Friday flavors at Pink Moon (new favorite: coconut). I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock. Finally found some dress pants that fit. Still itchy. You know me. Hopefully I'll be writing here more often; contain your excitement, kittens.

Can't Complain

2007-08-08T17:49:00.001-05:00

Last night (Tuesday) I went to my first Nickel Creek concert at the LC Pavilion down in Columbus. There have been at least 2 other NC concerts over the past few years that I have intended to go to but missed; for the first one I couldn't find anyone to go with, and for the second I was having my first night of one of my first grad school classes at the same time as the concert. (If it had been later, clearly I would have bailed on library school in a heartbeat in favor of an awesome concert. Live and learn.)

Anyway, last night's concert was pretty much perfect. It was unbearably hot and humid all day (heat index in the low 100s) and threatened to storm, but when the concert started a strong breeze kicked up and not one drop of rain came down the whole time. The music was great. They played several of my favorite songs and did a couple of things that were new to me. One of the highlights was the hilarious "If You're Gonna Leave Me (Set Me Up With One of Your Friends)," including sweet lines like "Who'm I gonna take to the Grammys? Who'm I gonna make out with when I win? If you're gonna leave me, set me up with one of your friends." My other favorite moment was when the bassist clogged/tap-danced as percussion during one of the songs. That was awesome. Even the parts of the concert with Fiona Apple were really good. I hadn't listened to any of her music in a LONG time, so I didn't know most of her songs, but they did some great covers and a bluegrass version of Criminal. Nickel Creek was onstage playing during Fiona's parts of the concert, so I really couldn't have asked for more.

The only con, I think, was that people kept randomly screaming for Fiona. It seemed like there were a good number of people there just to see her, and a few of those people were kind of disrespectful to Nickel Creek. That got on my nerves because A.) it was pretty clear to me that it was mostly an NC concert with Fiona as a special guest, and B.) don't be rude, assholes.

Finally, I got some pretty good pictures since we were in the second row (SECOND ROW!!). They're not perfect since obviously it was dark and my camera's kind of a POS, but you get the idea. Check 'em out: concert pics.

My life is confusing

2007-07-27T23:37:00.001-05:00

Today I was at work and a little girl (7 years old?) came up to me and said that she wanted to sign up for the kids' computers (this just involves writing your name on a sign-up sheet). I picked up the clipboard and asked her what her name was, so I could write it down. She said something along the lines of Devon ("duh-VAWN"), so I asked her how to spell it. She just kind of looked blankly at me, but it seemed like maybe she was reaching for the pencil, so I thought that perhaps she could write her name but was not sure how to spell it out loud.

I handed her the pencil and the clipboard; she hesitated for a minute, then proceeded to write in the 1:30 slot, in perfect neat handwriting, the word "butter." She then put the clipboard down and walked off to wait for her turn on the computer.

"Butter."

???

07-18-06

2007-07-18T06:07:00.000-05:00

I remember a summer's day
I remember walking up to you
I remember my face turned red
And I remember staring at my feet
I remember before we met
I remember sitting next to you
And I remember pretending I wasn't looking...

-Yo La Tengo, "Our Way To Fall"

And I didn't speeyak, either!

2007-07-16T20:08:00.000-05:00

So, this past weekend was rad. Friday night I went out with Bill and Dan to BW's, and Dan bought my drinks (BFF!). Saturday I ran some errands, and then it was party time! I had so much fun. I think I hung out with just about everybody at one point or another. The best parts were dancing, getting caked, and really just talking to people who had never seen me that drunk before (so, uh, pretty much everybody at the party). I just remember it being really hot and dark and fun in there; in my mind the night was one huge blur of faces and hysterical laughing. I know I had to get a knife taken away from me by 3 different people. I know I danced in ways that would embarrass me under other circumstances. I know I gave out insight into the female mind and that I laid in a big pile of dirt outside. I know that Bill, even when 90% passed out, is still able to construct the word "worrycakes" to describe me. I know I had fun. Other than that, you might have to refresh my memory.

I did notice that there are 2 things I tend to say over and over when I'm drunk. One is "Hey! Are we friends?!" This might seem logical at a party where I don't know some of the people that well, but I like to say it to people who I clearly am friends with; I mean, I remember saying it to Jared at least twice. The other thing is "You know what I like about you?" followed by a super random thing that I like about that person (see "You have freckles on your forearms!" and "You're exactly five feet tall! That is so great!" as examples). Man oh man. Even sober that sounds funny to me, but my mom has suggested that what I find funny might be really obnoxious to everybody else. If that is the case I apologize.

Anyway, I had a good time. I just wish I didn't have to work so many hours this week, cuz I could really use about 30 straight hours of sleep.

Pink moon gonna get you all

2007-07-08T15:56:00.000-05:00

So. A lot has happened since I last wrote anything here. I meant to blog about finding a turtle in the woods. I meant to blog about falling off my bike at Hoover Dam and Bill almost crapping his pants as, shortly thereafter, I had what could have only been perceived at the time as a small seizure. I should blog about the fun things I've been doing lately, like Wicked and Red White and Boom.

But instead, I am going to blog about this: http://www.pinkmooncupcakes.com/

OMG OMG!!!1!ONEZORS!!! I am SO excited to try this place. Seriously, an all-cupcake bakery is like my dream come true. Looking at their website, I actually wondered if it would be a good move to try to get a job there, leave the library world, and spend the rest of my life making and selling cupcakes. I don't know what would make me happier than that; I know that sounds crazy, but I kind of mean it.

Unemploymentcakes

2007-06-19T19:47:00.000-05:00

So, I didn't get that job that I interviewed for. I'm not surprised that I didn't get it, even though there is no actual REASON for me not to have gotten it. For the record they did actually email me last Thursday to let me know; I just didn't get it until today because they sent it to the email address marked on my application as "HEY SRSLY DON'T EMAIL ME HERE NOT MY ADDRESS OMG DON'T USE 4 CEREALZ!!!1!" Nice work.

I was excited for a minute because there's now a full-time position open at my current job, and I thought I was a total shoo-in. Today I came to my senses and realized that someone else is totally getting the job. Ugh. I know that I have to apply for it anyway, and I should at least get to interview for it, but that just makes it all the more irritating and embarrassing when I have to walk around the place knowing that I interviewed for and got denied a job that I in effect am already doing for less pay and no benefits.

On that note, it's time for a snack and some relaxation; I have to be up in 9 hours to go back to the job I just got home from. Eh.

More places I will never go

2007-06-12T21:25:00.000-05:00

HEY GUYS! I really want to go here: The Movie Tavern at Mill Run. This used to be the awesome Cinemark Movies 12; I used to misbehave there as a wee lass of 11 or 12. By the time I was in high school all the cool kids were going to Easton and the Lennox, so Movies 12 kind of fell by the wayside. Business had picked back up again with the pre-drivers' license set in recent years, but apparently it got sold and turned into this place where you eat your dinner while you watch the movie. I know it seems like it might not be the best idea, and I wouldn't want to go there all the time, but I would really like to at least try it. Any takers? I was thinking it would be a good place to see an Ocean's 13 type movie; something not too serious that doesn't require your constant attention.

Here are some other places I want to go this summer:
New India Restaurant on Bethel (lunch buffet!)
Hooters
United Skates of America
Bowling (wherever)
Magic Mountain
The Book Loft
Karaoke (wherever)

So, seriously, let me know if any of these places interest you and we will try to plan something. I am like oh-for-a-billion so far on my big summer plans. I am not good at arranging things, but I have big ideas! Haha. Not really.

Lolz 'n' linkz

2007-05-29T20:31:00.000-05:00

Last week I was on Slate, with the sole intention of reading Dear Prudence--I've lately developed a seriously unstable obsession with reading advice columns, blogs, and forums. Please feel free to make suggestions as to what that says about my psyche. Uh, anyway. I happened to see this column called "You cannot resist lolcats," and, seeing as how I in fact cannot resist said lolcats, I clicked on it.

The slide show isn't super informative, but it does have some interesting tidbits. For example, I was surprised and strangely excited to see people writing about lolcat grammar. I also discovered the hilarious saga of the lolrus--read it from the bottom up if you're not familiar with the story. And finally, because somebody out there loves me, I discovered that there is such a thing as the lolbrarian: post some fucking catalogers! God, how I love that. What tiny portion of the population loves lolcats and also gets librarian jokes? Not enough, I say.

One other link that I wanted to post (hopefully I didn't already do this) is to this page, where you can view a list of Texas death row inmates' last meal requests, going as far back as the 80s. I don't know why, but I could read that for hours. I find it incredibly fascinating. You probably don't, but that's why this is my blog and not yours.

I'm buggin out! I'M BUGGIN OUT!

2007-05-11T19:15:00.000-05:00

I have entomophobia: fear of insects. Please don't try to reasonably explain to me why I shouldn't be afraid of bugs; it's a phobia. It's a natural psychological response to piss down your leg at the sight of a little bug, okay? The main object of my phobia these days is the common house centipede, or, as I like to call it, "satanpede." What you may not know about the satanpede is that it can run at speeds up to 90 mph, smells fear, and carries a tiny switchblade in each one of its many hands. Also: can read your thoughts, and eats babies. Those may seem like hilarious jokes to you, but if you read that article I linked to you'll find the following information:

"[Satanpedes] capture prey by half pouncing and half lassoing them. They can capture several prey items at one time. They feed on one specimen while holding the others with their quivering, lashing appendages."

SEE?! Tiny lassoes! These fuckers mean business. The worst thing is that the only solution I've found to getting rid of them (besides calling an exterminator, which, like, I'm poor) is to put down glue traps along the baseboards, where they like to run. Because, if you're terrified of something, the best way to deal with it is to be forced to stare at its lifeless, decaying carcass stuck to a puddle of glue for a week. Jesus. I can't fucking win.

I do have to say: the capper to this whole entry is that I noticed on the Wikipedia entry for "-phob," under "psychological conditions," claustrophobia is listed as "fear of Santa Claus." That is so rad. I know I should be all, "that is an inappropriate use of this resource," but whatever, it's so funny.

Dusty Corners

2007-05-07T21:07:00.000-05:00

I CLEANED MY ROOM!!

For realsies, I did. It's not totally done yet. I didn't get to the "normal" cleaning stuff like tidying up the top of my desk and dresser, but I did the REAL stuff. I had 3 boxes and a set of plastic drawers that had not been unpacked since I moved in, and I finally went through them and found all of them to be extraneous save for one box of school supply type stuff. So those are gone. I brought back down the kitchen chair that I took up there months ago to stand on for spider-killing. Most importantly, I somehow fixed the closet door that I broke, like, five minutes after we moved in. This whole time I haven't really had access to the whole left side of my closet, which was a big obstacle/excuse for my room being so messy. I couldn't get into it so I didn't make use of the space, and then I let that kitchen chair sit there in the middle of the floor forever because it wasn't technically blocking anything useful, blahblahblahomgI'msolazy. People always tell me that I will feel better if I just get stuff like this done and out of the way. It turns out that they are right, but don't think I have learned my lesson. I never learn.

On a totally separate note, I heard two songs today that I strongly associate with last summer: Snow Patrol's "Hands Open" and "Stop I'm Already Dead" by...is it Deadboy and the Elephant Men? "Hands Open" is actually on a CD I just burned, and it makes me think of last summer when I always had it in my head and used to sing it during Online Info Systems while goofing around OCLC with Erica. As for "Stop I'm Already Dead..." well, if you don't know the story there then there's no point explaining it, but again: good times. The point is, all this reminds me that last summer was a lot of fun. I started hanging out more with new people (Jared and Erica, specifically--then there was The Bill Fiasco, as I like to call it, later in the summer) and I was pretty much always busy doing fun things or working tons of extra hours or taking my hellacious (but fun, in retrospect) classes. I want this summer to be amazing. I feel like I can make it happen, but I'm pretty zoned out right now so it may take some prodding. So, dear readers, I'm asking you to do your part to help make this summer the Summer of Summers. You can contribute in any way you see fit. Together, we CAN make a difference.

I thank you.

A Near Cat-astrophe

2007-04-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

Sunday night, 8 pm: I get done eating dinner with my family and decide to check my voicemail. Bad news: Fudgems has gotten out of the apartment and is on the run. I immediately call Becky back to get the scoop. Turns out that Fudgems bolted out the door (he can bolt, apparently), trotted around the yard for a bit, and then took off; a neighbor says he saw him run across the main road. I immediately start crying at the prospect of stupid crazy Fudgems out in the world...surely there is no way he can make it back home.

9:30 pm: I make it back to the apartment. The place is lit up like a Christmas tree, all the windows and doors open, Friskies everywhere. Good thinking. If anything will bring Fudgems back, it's Friskies. Becky has looked and looked, but there's no sign of him anywhere. We remember that it's supposed to start storming on Monday or Tuesday. This is not good news. Storms will ruin both our fliers and our cat's fragile psyche: he's afraid of thunder. The clock is ticking. We put a box out on the front porch with a towel in it. A nap and Friskies! How can he resist?

10:30 pm: He resists. Becky gives up and goes to bed. I continue sitting on the couch/peering out the window for over an hour. Various people offer me tips and support over IM, up to and including an offer of a slightly smaller replacement Fudgems.

11:50 pm: I hear something bump against the back screen door. I get up and go into the kitchen, and what do I see through the door? Fudgems! He found the Friskies on the patio! Unfortunately, he sees me too and freaks out. He swerves toward the patio gate, then changes his mind and books it under the fence. This is an odd and un-Fudgems-like move. He looks stealthy...svelte, even. Has six hours on the streets changed him already? I'm trying to pry the stick out of the door and get the handle unlocked, but he's gone. I go outside and call him, shake the food...nothing. I put my shoes on and go out into the yard with a flashlight, but it's like he was never there. I don't want to go inside with him so close, but there's nothing else I can do. I feel slightly better that at least he knows where he lives. Maybe we'll get him after all.

12:15 am: Bed.

1:00 am: Just as I'm drifting off to sleep I'm awakened by horrible cat-yowling outside the window, and several houses away a dog starts barking frantically. I know it's Fudgems, but he's too far away. I have to lie down and go back to sleep.

4:45 am: The same cat-yowling, but much closer this time. I sit up and put my face to the window, and see Fudgems down on the patio. He is getting wailed on by...himself? There are two Fudgemses down there, locked in battle. I call his name through the window, and the Fudgems doppelganger freezes, looks up at me, then takes off under the fence. It's the cat from before! Regular Fudgems makes a beeline for the sliding door; the racket woke up Becky too, and she's already down there to let him in. By the time I get out of my room, Fudgems is trotting up the stairs for a pat. Becky and I wonder for a second if we let the wrong cat in--maybe Fudgems got away, and this is the evil twin. Luckily we're interrupted by the familiar sound of Fudgems heaving himself up on the dresser and planting his face in his bowl of food. Yep, that's him. He's back.

Monday, 2:09 pm: Stupid, fat, bipolar, clumsy, grouchy, awesome Fudgems is sitting at the bottom of the stairs, licking his business. Everything is back to normal.

I want I want I want

2007-04-26T21:41:00.000-05:00

-I want to learn to draw
-I want to wear outrageous things
-I want to take pictures that will make other people's stomachs get all twisty and jealous
-I want to feel accomplished at the end of the day
-I want to read more
-I want to clean this place up
-I want to get up and go

Just for the record.

Keeneland blog coming soon, I promise. I know you're on the edge of your freaking seat.

Long lines can be taxing

2007-04-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

I finally mailed my federal tax stuff in today. Yes, on the last possible day. Believe it or not, I usually do get that stuff in earlier, but this year I had kind of started it and then forgot about it. In any case, I drove over to the post office thinking that it would be pretty quick to drop it in the mail. I didn't have any stamps, but I figured I would just buy one from the vending machine, no problem. Well, the stupid single stamp part of the machine was sold out. Sold out! On tax day. Do they not realize that a shit-ton of people are going to be coming in needing a stamp today? That is ridiculous. I finally decided that I would just suck it up and buy a whole book of stamps, even though I almost never use them. I soon realized, however, that the stupid machine gives you dollar coins as change, and I only had a 20 on me. I do not want 12 stupid dollar coins in my wallet, and I do not want to have to spend the next two weeks explaining what a dollar coin is every time I try to buy something..."No, really, it's a real coin. It's a dollar. No, I know it kind of looks like a quarter, but I promise you, it's a dollar. Like, a regular dollar. No, no, you don't need to call your supervisor over..." God. So I got in line, like a chump. I think I was the only person there mailing their tax stuff, but the line was hella long. Everyone had packages. Maybe you don't mail your package on tax day, ok? It's kind of a big day for the post office. It's gonna be busy. Wait till tomorrow.

Personally, I prefer Nacho Cheese Pretzel

2007-04-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

Am I wasting my life? I did absolutely nothing today other than go to work and sit around. This blog entry is a check in the productivity column, even though writing in my stupid blog is pretty damn unproductive itself.

Well. As is tradition for me, I got CDs in my Easter basket (yes, I still get an Easter basket). I got Amy Winehouse (Back to Black), The Fratellis (Costello Music), and Mika (Life in Cartoon Motion). So far I have only really listened to the Mika CD, and it is great! Seriously, check it out. I was afraid that it would be too fluffy and silly, but then I listened to it and realized that there's no such thing. "Lollipop" in particular is like the trippiest, dumbest, best song I've heard in forever, and I've listened to "Any Other World" about a million times already.

Speaking of music...first off, if I have any CDs that you think you might be interested in, just let me know and I will gladly hook you up. I know I've told a bunch of people recently "Oh, I have that!" but I know I'll forget to lend/burn them for you if I'm not reminded. Secondly, it would be awesome if everyone who reads this would rec me one song/album/artist that you haven't heard me talk about but think I would like. Just ONE. C'mon, there have to be like three to five people reading this...I know you have it in you!

Ok, I had other things to say but I'll save them for later, because these entries always get sooo long anyway. But I did want to mention one thing: The number of people coming into the library who smell like pepperoni pizza Combos is troubling. I just had to get that off my chest.

Hip to Stitch

2007-04-04T22:22:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have a new imaginary hobby! You know, like those other million hobbies I've had that I talk about and read about but never actually pick up...remember origami, and quilting, and making funny t-shirts, etc etc etc? Well today's fake hobby of the day is: embroidery! Yay! I am so looking forward to not embroidering things! But no, seriously, I think I might actually do it, at least for a little bit. For one thing, it seems pretty easy. Also, it's versatile--I can do clothes or things for around the house like pillows or towels or whatever. I can also be creative and come up with my own designs. Finally, I actually have all the stuff I need. I have a shit-ton of embroidery floss (from an old imaginary hobby of making friendship bracelets), and my mom gave me the proper needles and a hoop. I'm going to try to look at some books and see if I can get into it. I think embroidered stuff is so cute. Maybe this hobby will actually stick. Here's hoping.

I would also like to take this opportunity to officially register my displeasure in missing both the David Sedaris and Ben Folds appearances that are coming up soon. Sedaris is coming to Springfield on the 9th (I think) and Ben Folds is playing OWU's Springfest on the 14th. Technically I could go to both of these things, but a combination of feeling like I don't have anyone who wants to go plus feeling like I shouldn't spend the money is keeping me home. I feel like missing these events are the kinds of things that I will regret in the future...and yet, here I am, not going. Grr. I kind of wish I hadn't heard about them at all, because then I wouldn't have to feel bummed about missing them.

Alright, Still

2007-03-28T16:40:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a bit scattered at the moment so here is a barely coherent list of things I meant to talk about:

I'm getting my dad's bike. It probably needs new tires and brakes, and of course one of these, but that's okay. It's a bike and I'mma RIDE IT.

I'm really giddy about the nice weather, but sometimes I get bummed because I get home at 12 or whatever and everybody I know is still at their high-falutin' grown-up jobs and I feel like I don't have anybody to enjoy it with. So I decided today that I'm just going to go to the park and walk one of the trails by myself. That never really occurred to me before, but I don't know why. It's good for me, it will be nice, and (most importantly?) it's free. But uh, if I go missing one sunny afternoon, check the local parks for my car and question all suspicious-looking axe murderers and bears.

On Sunday my parents brought up two chairs for the mudhole and the gas for the grill. YAY. I've never really grilled anything but hot dogs. Let's change that, yeah? Party at my place! BYOEverything.

I'm going to need to go to Magic Mountain soon for mini-golf and possibly go-karts. Also, this weekend: Blades of Glory. All who are interested, please contact the Chaser.

My mom bought me a mood ring in Arizona. Hee! I was hoping it would turn black so I could pretend to be Vada Sultenfuss (ladies, I know you know what I'm talking about). Alas, it keeps going purple/dark blue, indicating that I am romantic and lovable. Oh pshaw, mood ring...*bats eyelashes*...I don't know what you're talking about.

Hmm. There was more, I'm sure. But my brain is all over dinner right now. Dinner dinner dinner. So I will talk to YOU later. Yes you.

That fucker eats cake!

2007-03-20T21:56:00.000-05:00

Part A - Things that I like
-shopping
-watching The Office
-playing the Wii
-eating waffles
-listening to Mitch Hedberg
-not going to work

Part B - Things that I did this weekend
-see Part A

Haha, so I had a good weekend. Actually it was Monday and Tuesday, but it was the weekend to me. Over the actual weekend I also went to a St. P's shindig at Mary's and ate some green cake. Mmm for cake (of any color). My plans for the future include figuring out how to do an awesome scavenger hunt and purchasing and flying a kite.

As a follow-up to my last post....by 'meta' I was referring to the show's tendency lately to make jokes or commentary about itself. Like when Dr. Cox explains why all the different characters are funny or makes reference to the thoughtful voiceover as a sitcom device, or whatever. Just self-referential, wink-wink kind of jokes where it's like the characters are acknowledging that they're in a sitcom. Jokes about the show itself rather than just jokes. It's ok to a degree, and it happens a lot on shows like this, but still. It just rubs me the wrong way. I know a lot of people like it. And I'm sure this isn't the first complaint I've had about Scrubs. Sure, it's hilarious, but I also sometimes want to punch it in the face. You know, kind of how you feel about me.

Can't get no love from me

2007-03-15T20:37:00.000-05:00

What's up with JD's scrubs lately? Last week he was wearing like baseball-jersey-style scrubs, where the sleeves and collar were one color blue and the body was another color. And then today he had ones with some sort of fancy stripey neckline. It's so weird. Do they really make scrubs like that, or are the costume designers just getting bored? (I mean, I'm sure there are all kinds of scrubs out there, but it's weird that only JD would suddenly start wearing them for no reason.)

Also, I think that Scrubs has gotten way too meta. I can handle a little bit of that, but Scrubs is so far over the line. I think it's lazy writing.

Thoughtses

2007-03-12T22:03:00.000-05:00

I am feeling very crazy right now, and I'm not sure why. Let's try and sort it out.

1.) I have a lot of little things to do. I got a bunch of them done today (bank, bills, library, video store, laundry, etc) but there are many left. I made a list, which helps a little in feeling organized but also makes things worse because it makes it real how many things are on there. My possible case of ADD or whatever the hell else is wrong with my brain makes it extremely hard for me to any kind of "plan of attack" or to actually get these little things done. But I'm making progress. That's something.

2.) I am possibly having car trouble and am not sure when I will be getting it fixed. This is stressing me out A LOT because I am kind of stuck up here on my own if my car won't start...I can't get a ride to work or anything. I need to realize first of all that if my car won't start and I can't get to work, it's not the end of the world. Stuff like that happens to people all the time. But I feel really really bad about that kind of thing, which is why I have yet to ever call in sick to work or anything like that, even if I really don't feel like going. As lazy and irresponsible as I am, I feel guilty enough about missing one day of work (a 4 hour day, at that) for it to completely ruin my day. I remember the one day I couldn't go in after I broke my arm I just about blew my brains out. In any case, hopefully the car will be a-ok until I can get it fixed and then this will just all be a moot point.

3.) ...I can't think of anything else. Is that really all? Lord, I need therapy then. One thing that's bothering me is that I have a bad headache, and I think in my brain I'm associating that headache with stress and therefore assuming that I have a LOT on my mind, when in fact I'm pretty sure the headache is just leftover sinus crap from last week's cold.

On a more positive note, I had a fun weekend. I guess I didn't actually "do" anything, but it was sunny and gorgeous, I didn't have to work, I had fun hanging out with people, etc. I had, in fact, just been thinking that my life is really good right now. Haha, thanks for such a great Monday, universe. Suck it. Anyway, I am generally pretty happy these days and have many of the things in my life that I didn't have for a while. Additionally, I'm looking forward to spring and summer. I have some goals:

Get outside more. The sun can be a pain in the ass but too bad.
Do more actual activities and less sitting around.
Eat more ice cream (always).
Enjoy life. Kind of vague, but hey. I felt like putting it.

I hope that people don't hate me for writing long, boring shit like this. Sorry, but that's the kind of blog this is going to be, probably. In fact, if you are reading this, I wish that YOU would write me absurdly long-winded emails on a regular basis. That's one thing I miss. Back in my email heyday I could knock out a four page email every day, and getting them in return was just as good or better. So if you're ever bored or feel like blathering on and on about nothing, don't think for a second that I wouldn't love to read it. Hit me up!

I r a genius....OR R I??

2007-03-06T14:17:00.001-05:00

Sometimes (a lot of times), I feel really dumb. I also feel conflicted about my dumbness. I mean, I know, in the scheme of things and in relation to the actual population of the world, I am not dumb. I can go to the mall and stand around and listen to people say things that contain dangerously high concentrations of stupidity, and yet, when I talk to a really smart person, or read a really good book, or hear people having an intelligent discussion, I'm just like, damn, I'm stupid.

For a long time I believed that I was really smart. I don't think all through elementary, middle, and high school (even college?) that I ever questioned that I was really, really smart. I could do anything anybody asked me to do, any time. Any test that I was given, I could score the highest that you could possibly score. No problem. But in the real world I am not doing so hot. There are so many people who are more informed than me when it comes to, say, politics, religion, technology, science...basically just the whole world around us. People read books that I don't understand. They learn things faster than I do. They are more creative than me. And they are everywhere, outsmarting me at every turn! Why am I getting dumber and dumber while everyone else just keeps getting smarter? I don't think library school is helping matters. I think librarians have a rep for being smart people, and I guess they are a lot of times, but in reality you could be really fucking stupid and still get through library school fairly easily. It's not hard at all. It's just...using the library. Middle schoolers do it. Retarded people do it (trust me, I see them). I kind of wish I had had the balls to do something really challenging, where I would have been pushed to really do my best, rather than taking the easy way out. Which is what I feel like I'm doing.

Why does any of this matter? I'm not sure. It might come in part from the fact that, for a long time, I was The Smart Kid. There may have always been someone who was funnier/cooler/faster/cuter than I was, someone who could sing better or draw better or had more friends, but at least I had the smug satisfaction of knowing (thinking) that I was smarter than them. And it let me be Somebody, somebody who was the best at one thing, rather than a regular, average old Nobody. Now that I am not The Smartest, I kind of feel like the Coyote who walked off the cliff and just looked down to see nothing but open air underneath.

The real bitch here is that I am totally going to stay this way (dumb and nervous about it) because I am too afraid to try to be smarter. I'm afraid that I will "out" myself as dumb to people who I previously had fooled; I'm afraid that I'll try to challenge myself but fail and realize that I am a permanent resident of Dumbton. I don't want to be that person who's always trying to get deep or talk about "smart" things and you're just like, "Aw, honey.....no." And I guess, as always, I have problems with attention and motivation. Ask me about this tomorrow and I'll probably be all, "Ah, bitches, whatever! I'm smart as hell! Get that book out of my face...let's eat some cookies!" Heh. I do know a lot about cookies. I guess that's something.

I hope this didn't sound real super-serious or anything. I'm just shooting the shit. I actually wrote some parts of this several months ago and it's just been sitting on my computer, so now you (whoever you are) have to read it. Ha ha. Tough luck.

Splish splash

2007-03-01T19:29:00.000-05:00

I want to go to one of those indoor waterparks. The current Columbus Alive! has an article reviewing the 2 of them in central Ohio (Fort Rapids and Coco Key) , and they sound so cool. Plus there's just something so appealing about going to a waterpark in March...must come from living my entire life in Iowa and Ohio. Suck it, winter! I'm at a waterpark! Unfortunately they're kind of expensive and I also doubt that I will ever have the time or the motivation to go to one. Oh well. It's nice to dream.

Making raisins?

2007-02-21T17:23:00.000-05:00

Someone put a paper plate full of grapes under the tree in front of our apartment. In the snow.

Is this...some sort of voodoo ritual? An offering to the tree gods? An ancient grape-disposal technique?

Why are there grapes out there? WHY?

Half Price Books for Everyone

2007-02-18T18:37:00.000-05:00

I just got back from the new Westerville Half Price Books. Best shopping trip ever! They had free cookies, pretzels, animal crackers, coffee, and Capri Suns. I think the Capri Suns were for the kids, but I don't drink coffee so I took one. I am not too proud to wander around a crowded bookstore sucking on a little foil pouch. They did not have any of the books or CDs that I went there looking for, but that didn't stop me from buying 4 books and 1 CD anyway (The Cupcake Cafe Cookbook, Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus, 101 Things To Do Before You Die, The Essential Whitman, and the best of the Counting Crows). I got half off the cookbook with my coupon (making it a quarter-priced book, I guess). And uh...this one guy who works there might be a perfect nerdy dreamboat. Not that I pay attention to that sort of thing. March 1 is teacher/librarian appreciation day...20% off. I'll be back, Half Price Books. I'm not through with you yet.

Double snow day!!

2007-02-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

Man. I didn't have to go to work yesterday or today. That is too awesome to put into words. Snow days are just the kind of thing you need in life to keep you going. Like, just when I'm totally sick of work and thinking of calling in sick about twice a week, I get two unexpected days off.

I did sleep until 11:30 today, which I didn't really want to do, but I woke up this morning at 5:45 and took a shower just because I didn't know whether or not I had to go to work. I didn't get back to sleep until 7:15 or so, so I can justify the ridiculous sleepalldayosity. I do need to finish my taxes and *ahem* my job applications today, but first I am going to eat lunch and watch the Gary Gulman standup thing that I taped last night. If I had a donut right now I'd be too happy to live.

Oh, and sorry all these entries are totally pointless. I know everyone reading this (all...two of you?) is probably bored, but I'm just trying to get in the habit of doing this regularly. DEAL WITH IT. And happy Valentine's day.

Be Mine

2007-02-12T17:55:00.000-05:00

So I am getting my blog on from here at the parents house while I wait for my laundry to finish. Laundry is pretty freaking tedious, especially when you have two loads. I don't feel like I can leave the house or go to sleep, because I have to be ready for the first load to finish so I can put the second one in right away...I don't know. I'm probably thinking about it too much. I wish I had a washer and dryer at my apartment, that would be awesome.

Valentine's Day is this week. I love Valentine's Day! That is probably totally cheeseball, and I'm probably supposed to be like "why should you only tell people you care about them on a designated day blah blah blah commercial-cakes," but I don't care. I like it. For one thing, there is an overabundance of a.) stuffed animals, b.) chocolate, and c.) pink things at this time of year, all of which I am a big fan of. But more than that, I just like getting dumb cards and stuff from my friends (including e-cards...Screaming Banshee, anyone?). In high school I remember making either hilariously angry/bitter cards about how I was going to die alone or really inappropriately dirty cards and giving them to people. I don't need a dozen long-stemmed roses or a moonlit walk on the beach or whatever. I just think the stupid stuff is fun, especially in the middle of godforsaken February when all I really want to do is curl up under a hundred blankets and die a little.

Oh ok, so it's supposed to snow anywhere from like 3 to 9 inches here in the next day or two (they are being very vague about the forecast). This presents me with the following problem: do I or do I not wish for a shit-ton of snow? Because if I DO wish for a shit-ton of snow, and we get 9 or 10 inches, they might possibly close the library and give me a day off work, which would be freaking awesome. However, we might still get all that snow but they DON'T close the library, in which case I will be stuck making the 4,000 mile drive to work in the two feet of snow that MY stupid ass wished for. Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, people don't realize how complicated my life is. These are the difficult decisions that I have to make on a day-to-day basis. The library should send a bus up to my apartment to pick me up so that I don't have to worry about it either way. That's what I think.

Sunday

2007-02-04T16:22:00.000-05:00

I heard the best song on the radio on Friday. It's called Grace Kelly, by Mika. I loved it, but then again I've only heard it once so you can take that for what it's worth. It reminds me of Queen a little bit. They have it on iTunes but I don't want to buy the song yet in case I end up buying the album...that way I won't have to get mad about wasting 99 cents. According to Amazon the CD comes out on the 8th (which is weird, b/c that's a Thursday) and it also costs like $35 right now. That might be the import version? I don't know. I'm sure I'll be sick of the song in like a week anyway.

In other (actual) news, I'm going to be applying for a couple of jobs here today or tomorrow. I hope I get one. I could certainly use a change. I have almost been at my job for ten months. TEN! That's four months longer than I've worked at any of my other seven jobs...and ten months longer than I wanted to work at my current one. Heh. I'm also thinking of doing some volunteer work somewhere. I will probably end up not doing that b/c I'm too scared of whatever new people I will have to deal with at said hypothetical volunteer job.

The Super Bowl is tonight. Go...Colts? I guess? I watch it for the commercials and the excuse to put various foodstuffs into my face. Mmm. Foodstuffs.

So is the first post in my blog supposed to be some sort of big special post about my philosophy or the purpose of the blog and whatnot? It probably is, but whatevs. This blog is not about anything. Don't act surprised.